Where Are My Friends... Am I An Outcast?

>> Thursday, January 21, 2010

My kids and I were sitting in the truck yesterday while my husband was in the college bookstore, and the subject of friends came up somehow. Eddie had told me that he just ran out of friends at school, and of course I asked why. "I just did." he said. I had asked him why they did not want to be his friend anymore, he did not know. He had told me that some of the boys did not like how he "acted" in school. He still has some quirks that would normally disrupt a class, so I guess that is what the problem is. He has told me that sometimes they want to hit on him, or do other things to him, but I have not received any complains from his teacher on the subject, so I am not sure if they do or do not. I am sure that if they did then I would hear from his teacher. I had asked him who he plays with at recess, and he had told me no one, I play by myself. I had tried to explain to him that we need to be nice to the other kids no matter how much they try intimidate him. As I tried to talk to him about it, he seemed to listen to me, but not exactly getting the message that friends are important and you need to be nice to them all. I am sure that he is being nice to them, but is being treated as an outcast. I do not know. I want him to have friends at school, but I can not make the other kids like him and accept him for who he is. He never talks about the other kids in his class, so I figured that he was having some social difficulties as a lot of other autistic children can have. He has had friends in past school years, but they got separated as they grew up. I am really hoping that this will be a temporary thing, and he will have friends as the years go by. I feel so sad for him, because I know how he is feeling. I did not have friends as a child either. The few friends that I did have were considered outcasts as I was. They did not fit in to the whole group, but I would always take them in as my friends, because I knew how they felt. Moving around as much as I did left no room for true friendships, and I had to suffer from that and start over at the next school that I went to. I was one of the odd ones, who was skinny, had a funny haircut, and from somewhere else. I never fit in anywhere; all the way into high school. Everyone always found something wrong with me, and I just wanted to be friends with someone. I did not care who it was as long as it was someone who I felt was a true friend. I have felt that I did not have any social skills back then, and I still do not. I get scared every time that I am around someone, and just want to leave. Unless I am very familiar with them. I do not make well with people because I feel that I will not be accepted by them, so I try to avoid as much as possible. Even today, the friends that I did have are gone now, and we do not even stay in touch anymore...or did they just play me as well. I do not know. Anyhow... Devin seems to be doing well so far as friends are concerned. I hear him talking about two or three of them almost everyday. He is younger, so the indifference of people has not arose in his grade level like they have in Eddie's. I am just hoping that it gets easier instead of harder to cope when it comes to friendships for them. I just do not want them to have the same things happen to them that I did as a child when it comes to social skills, yet again that is one of the main issues when it comes to a child with autism. They tend to lack social skills, yet again they can be taught how to interact somewhat with others depending on their level of functioning.

Thanks for reading!!

2 special comments:

Jen January 21, 2010 at 3:38 PM  

It makes me sad too, reading about your little boy. Like you I moved around lots, always new schools and the other kids already having their friends. It was hard. Jen.

chubskulit January 23, 2010 at 6:40 PM  

The great thing about your sons is that you are always there for them Amanda!